Thursday, April 9, 2015


Okay, so like, first things first...
Have you ever been hit in the face with an umbrella? 

I have. Multiple times, actually. All in the same night. It's something terrible enough to require a support group, which I haven't found on Google yet...but surely it's out there.

So, my friends set me up on a loooot of dates...and I seriously think it's because there is always a good story for "porch time" to come afterward. I have ZERO desire to get married anytime soon, but it is always fun when they come to me with someone new.

I suck at saying "no thank you".
I'm a yes girl.
They know this.
They use it to their advantage ;)

Last night was a fail from the beginning. Don't get me wrong, such a nice guy...but I just immediately knew he wasn't my "Prince Harry" in disguise. #itsfine #notreallybutwhatever

Yes, the guy was successful.
Yes, he was very nice
Yes, he was 4'8...ehh, maybe 4'9
...I'm 5'3. *I'm no sequoia, but like, please.

So...he shows up at my door, and as I open it, I'm smiling at eye level with myself. There's nobody there.

I look down thinking those cray kids down the street were playing ding dong ditch again, when I notice a tiny little man standing there with an umbrella. 

That...would be my date for the night.
That...would be my cue to remove the heels, and put on muh Jack Rogers!

As we walked to the restaurant, he walked in front of me as a gentleman would, but the umbrella kept pelting me in the face...
over and over and over and OVER!

At one point I took a hit to the eye, and that's when I just freakin' gave up, crouched underneath it and got on his level. 

We could have easily Ubered .2 miles and it would have been much more "me".

I mean, an umbrella to the eye.

After dinner, he walked me to the door (frankly because it was lightning, and I wasn't gonna be the one holding that metal umbrella!)

It was a night i'll never forget for all of the wrong reasons.

In 3 short words...


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